Life and Our Times Examined

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It all happened without me. Like Freud, Mr. Waking on Christmas morning, thinking in a new way, he can change his present — change can only take place in the here and now. This is important because trying to change the past can leave us feeling helpless, depressed. Like many of Mr. To preserve these articles as they originally appeared, The Times does not alter, edit or update them. Occasionally the digitization process introduces transcription errors or other problems. Alfred A. Near the beginning of his mammoth but utterly riveting autobiography, Elia Kazan confesses, apropos of his unhappy stint as co-producing director of the Lincoln Center repertory theater during the early 's, that he ''had no experience in the production of classics'' and that he ''was skilled only in directing contemporary plays with contemporary themes that I subscribed to and with flavor the talk that I knew well.

A roughly parallel observation might be made of his six previous books, the first a screenplay ''America America'' , the rest of them novels ''The Arrangement,'' ''The Assassins,'' ''The Anatolian,'' among others - that they lacked a sense of literature and of the traditions of fiction, and that they were clumsily disguised explorations of the author's immediate, somewhat undigested experience.

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Yet if these deficiencies have hurt Mr. Kazan's previous books, they are no handicap in his autobiography. Here his gift for raw psychological truth is shown to best possible advantage: his subject is truly himself and he grasps for the heart of the problem. The problem, as he sums it up at the outset, is how to resolve a contradiction he has felt in himself throughout most of his adult life.

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On the one hand, there was the compulsion to be ''handy,'' ''useful'' and, above all, pleasing that won him, early in his theatrical career, the nickname Gadget, or Gadg, which he admits to loathing. On the other hand, there was the black inner rage and longing for chaos that continually threatened to disrupt not only his career but also his family life. To solve this problem he goes back to the beginning - back to his parents' origins as Greeks from Turkey - and traces his development from a boyhood so anonymous that there was a blank beside his high-school yearbook portrait, to the man who became famous as one of Hollywood's and Broadway's most successful directors.

Along the way, this exploration unearths personal anecdotes, theatrical history, Hollywood lore and portraits of the many notable people Mr. Kazan has known. Zanuck, Marlon Brando, ''Viva Zapata!

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There are the story and the feelings behind the author's appearance before the House Committee on Un-American Activities and his tortured and controversial decision to name the names of fellow Communist Party members from the 's. There is a portrait of the author's first wife, Molly Day Thacher Kazan, so guilt-ridden and therefore multi-dimensional that it brings her to life and makes one share her husband's tortured love for her. View all New York Times newsletters.