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In the past we have always planned together. In the past He would give me his calendar and schedule outlining His monthly trips alone with his best buddy and business partner to build the cabin, hunting trips, ski trips and golf outings with my father and his buddies and which I encouraged as I recognize how important and healthy the male bonding and exercise is for him. In spite of his busy schedule, We would build in special time for us and our nuclear family.
It seems the common problems of flight into man cave, poor communication and blaming, and stalemate and gridlock are occurring. My responsibility is that I did not trust him to work out the issues related to the gift. By my stepping in and asserting my perspective to his mother he felt betrayed.
He believes that There is too much bad water under the bridge between his mother and me. I realize even writing to her with this offer was a mistake,mas she called my husband even more angry and upset with me. Ahhhh — how to rebuild with him and develop healthy communication around concerns? How to overcome the barrier between his mother and me and halt the passive aggressive hurtful behaviors and tension????
Liz, these are complex and difficult issues, but all can be resolved with the desire and some good counseling. Getting a professional involved can save you a lot of heart ache and head aches. I need advise on how to get my husband back. We have been together for 10 years. We had problems a few years ago, I thought we resolved our issues.
Said he needs to be on his own. How do I get him to come back and try to save our marriage. I know how confusing and difficult this can be. Often men become more resistant the more you try to help them. My wife and I have been together for 25 years she had seen an email I sent to this female and it hurt her deeply she asked me to leave our house I miss and love her so much I know men do not show emotions but I find my self crying a lot because I miss her and my kids I keep asking her when can I come back she says she is not sure I love her with all my heart and soul what can I do to win her trust back again.
Hi Jed About two weeks ago, my wife dropped the bomb on me. The following week, she created chaos at work to the point of being fired. Divorce is ok and the kids will be fine. I suspect that she dealing with a mid life crisis. I love my wife dearly and want to save this sinking ship. I would have never imagined this nightmare in my wildest dreams. Can I make this work? Any advise or suggestion are appreciated. Bruce, I know how devastating that can be.
The loss of love and connection is the most hurtful thing we can experience. But most, can. It takes only one person who wants to change things for the better. I work with individuals and couples to help them get clear what is happening in the relationship, what can be done to improve things, and what one person can do, even if the other person has given up. I counsel people here in my office in California and by phone with people from all over the world. If you need more information, drop me a note jed menalive. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, we just had our 3rd baby 4 months ago.
About 2 months ago I realized he was having a friendship with a co-worker that I was not comfortable with, just emails and friendly talking, but I knew it was inappropriate and he eventually told me he felt a connection with her that he no longer feels with me. He claimed it was not a big deal. As a result of this coming out he told me he is unhappy in our marriage and has felt this way for a long time and does not know if he still wants to be married to me.
All of which I feel is bs… One of the huge reasons we fell for each other was because it was so easy and natural, now when life is very demanding and sometimes difficult he wants to leave me. We have 3 kids under the age of 4, I stay home with them because we decided it was the best option for us, I gave up my career so he could further his. I completely care for our children and our home, which I love and wanted to do anyway. All this time he has been being promoted at work, obtained a PhD, and advanced his career.
So meanwhile I just sit here in limbo, it is very hard for me to be a fun, happy, loving person when I feel so betrayed.
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I have never been so sad, hurt, and angry all at the same time. I know how devastating this can be. Unfortunately this is all too common. Fortunately there is healing and help available. It starts with you. There are things you can be doing right now to stop the slight in your marriage and to get things back on track. I talk about this in many of my posts and books. But the best way is to get some good counseling. There may be someone good in your area or I do counseling with people by phone from all over the world.
In any event, know that there is help available. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have 2 small children. I caused trust issues back when we were first dating that he has never let go of. Now, just this past summer, he fell in love with a friend I brought home and had an emotional affair for months. He says he does not want to give up but is now questioning our entire relationship and wonders if he really loved me, why did he do this. He is beating himself up and pushing me away.
But they must be very strong. I can tell by the way it is difficult for him to let it go. Can we be saved??? Please advise …. Amy, Thanks for the comment. Bottom line is that there is a lot of hope. I counsel people here in my office in California and also by phone with people all over the world. It really only takes one committed person to turn things around if you have the right guidance. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and we have an 8 year old child with diabetes and adhd. We have been having issues for awhile now because she says she is not in love with me anymore and has felt this way for a long time.
About a month ago she moved out of the house. My heart is broken not only for myself, but for him. I have tried and tried to convince her to talk things out with either me or a counselor but she does not seem willing to do that. She does not want to work on the relationship anymore. I am not willing to give up, but am starting to question myself if I am doing the right thing by fighting for our marriage.
Our son needs his parents. I need my other half. I understand that things take time, but at what point do I say enough is enough? I live in fear that she is going to file for divorce, and that is something I am just not sure that I can handle. Any advise? My husband left our home last June saying he was unhappy, it came out of no where. He filed for divorce in August only to drop the suit in January. There is or was another woman that he knew years ago a and reconnecting with online. He recently seems to be making his way back to me. Just this past Saturday my husband of 8 years texted me out of nowhere and said he wanted a divorce.
He refused to talk to me. I am completely lost and confused. He came the next day to get his belongings and listened to me for a few minutes and with no emotion at all just said he needed to be alone and that he was done. Apparently the place he was going to go fell through so I offered him the add on room to our house which he can access without coming in the main part. He came in this morning to see the kids before work and brought me a coke out of nowhere.
I know it sounds odd but to me it is confusing that he would bring me anything after stating he wants a divorce and staying gone. Then all of a sudden today he starts texting me occasionally with small talk and came here for lunch. He later started texting me again and then just quit responding. He has blocked me on his social media accounts but I accessed them out of curiosity and found a female coworker that he seems to be trying to get closer to.
Please help me. He is my life and I love him more than anything in the world other than my kids. I am willing to do anything to save our marriage but he wants to hear nothing of the sort. What do I do? Christan, I know it can be devastating when your partner tells you its over and you still want to keep the marriage alive. Sometimes a good counselor can help. Being honest and making a commitment to make things better are the first steps to reconnecting with your wife.
If I can help on the other matters, let me know. My marriage is galling apart. My wife wants to leave me and move out on her own. We sleep on the same bed still and shower together. She asked for it and it went negative. We have a 11 month old child together. I tried everything to stay strong and pray. Do the things that were right and because I care and was sincere.
She filed out a rental application and now turning it in. She says this is hard on her too. She says she does not trust me because before we got married I had some if my exs stuff. She was trying to black mail me and I told her to come get it as I did not know exactly what games were hers. She resents me for that as well as not being there all the time for our child.
I had three surgeries in the last year and tried to do things every opportunity that I could. Please help. This is some of the most painful experiences we go through in life. Mid-life is a particularly difficult time for all couples. It only takes one person who is committed to the marriage to keep things alive. I counsel both men and women. Hi iv been married for 30 years now to bridgette 18 months ago we seperated two months before that my daughter left the nest , she was doing deferent things taking credit cards out behind my back leaving or new car outside our daughters and getting a lift home all got a bit much I seriously lost my temper with here and she left she lived with her brother for a while , we started talking again and we started going out for meals or I would cook in are house did that all year this Christmas she said she wanted to stop and find a new life for her self so I let her go for a while , she Texted me 2 months ago saying she is now dating, 4 weeks ago asked her out again for a meal which she said yes she is still dating this chap I have asked her out for lunch tommorow she as said yes again can you tell me what is going on in her head!
Gary, At midlife our lives often get shaken up. What worked in the past is no longer satisfying. Like adolescence it is a time of exploration. It sounds like that is what your wife is doing. She wants to explore. She also wants to keep a foot at home for security and safety. Just recently found out she was involved in an emotional affair with a man at work. I recorded her and him as they sat in her car after work. Since finding out she told me she has stopped the affair. She was embarrassed and sad all the same time.
Sad that our marriage was that bad that she went outside of our marriage. I had an affair 5 years ago that ended before it started, she found out and we worked through our issues then but she never has truly moved past it. I know we sound pathetic but she is my best friend and I miss her and just want to make her happy and straighten this nightmare out.
I spend more time trying to figure out why? Why does she not want to work on our marriage? Thanks for listening and any help. But the good news is it can be fixed, even if only one person is ready to do some work to get things back on track.
Sometimes you can do that on your own. Sometimes you need expert help to sort out what is really going on and develop a real plan that can work. Most marriages are worth saving and can be helped. I have been married with my wife for 25 years. Our marriage is broken and I have caused it by my actions that i have done to her throughout the years.
I have asked God for forgiveness and I am truly remorseful for what i have done. She has stated she has forgive me but the wounds are deep. She states that all these years have not been fair to her and why now have I changed? We have had some really great times but also bad times. We have gone through a rough time also with our teenage18 year old son who is a drug addict and she has blamed me for that. This all started 2 years ago and her feelings and emotions have all come out.
She is very angry and resentful and bitter towards me for this. I need your help or advise on how to save this marriage. I truly love my wife. She tells me she will never trust me again. Thank you..
I have a broken heart.. We have been married 20 yrs this past March 17th I was in shock and ran out of the house.. I finally came back after sitting under the moonlight at a church a block away sobbing. January 3rd he packed some clothes and went to stay with his friend across town. February he wanted to get an apartment, he said if he came back now we would go right back to fighting.. He got this apartment which I have never been to and is still there. It is now the end of July In June he said he still was not ready to talk.. He works a lot we have our own business and is tired.
He comes by now once a month to pick up a few bills in his name that still come here, and stays for about an hour. I was being needy to begin with, but learned real fast that, that just pushes him away quickly. So I stay clear and wait to hear from him. I might add that all his things are still here except for what he took as far as clothes. I find out 2 days after my birthday that my wife was never in love with me and says never will be. I love her with all of my heart, she has taken care of me these past 12 years I have been partialy bedridden, been there for the kids, and tried to hold our house and finances together as best she can.
Should we even try going to our pastor for counseling or should I just let her go and move on? I need help someone please give me some guidance, Thank you for your time and sorry it went so long. Not that I expect to fix our marriage through breakfast but that was just an example. How can I rekindle a flame that seems to be nothing but ash now? My wife of 4. We were involved in swinging and even being open, for me it was an addiction to the rush of doing something taboo…she has now fallen in love with someone else. I see now how emotionally destructive the lifestyle we were leading is and desperately want to fix what was wrong in our marriage and get back on track.
I told her I would always be here for her and would never stop loving her or give up on wanting to work on our marriage. Now that we dont speak and I am giving her space I feel she is just drifting further to him…How can I still work to save a marriage she is so quick to want to run from? He left 2 months ago.
He is 43 years old. He was never happy. He wants a divorce and is ready to move on with his life. I think he is going through a MLC. I remarried in March In November my husband left and filed for divorce. A few days before the divorce was final he stopped the divorce and we moved on…or I did. On August 10, he got mad that my son left a lamp on in his room and over the day got madder and madder telling me that I had never done anything for him or his kids.
He moved to the basement and wants a divorce. He tells me that I only married him for what he could do for me and my kids. I know I am a good person…and a good mom. I have been at my job 25 years. My husband is a firemen and makes no money but I have never held that against him. I have 3 boys ages 19, 16 and 8. Their father passed away in from Colon Cancer.
My husband has 2 boys ages 22 and His 22 year old has pretty much cut his dad out of his life and we only see the 17 year old on his birthday or if we are going on vacation. My 8 year old calls hom dad and misses him so much.. My husband blames me for his failed relationship with his kids and tells me over and over that I have never done anything to help him with his relationship with his boys.
He tells me I am a poor excuse for a mother. He had a horrible childhood and his father committed suicide so he has has no idea how to be a father and or a husband. I love my husband all all heart. I am 42 and he will be 50 soon. Is there anything I can do? I love my husband witb all all my heart. We have been living with family. She spends too much money on going out to eat instead of cooking. I work my full time and with what I make we should have saved up for a decent apartment but I cannot.
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Should I get a divorce? What about our children? Alejandro, there are usually better ways to get through these blocks than a divorce. This is my first time posting in any blog or website about this topic. My story is long and I will try to recap in the shortest way possible.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years, together for We have 3 daughters. We went on a marriage retreat through our Church to which he stated how he hoped I would take some inspiration from what we learned. I thought we weathered that storm fairly well, he went back to school for his masters degree and got a new career in an area he truly felt he would be good and at make a difference.
I was needed, appreciated and valued there. Trifecta for marriage busters right? Well this summer it came to a head. It crushed me — my efforts to change me and get back to what I should have been doing all along went into overdrive. Determined to save this marriage I launched into action. While he was gone I did some serious soul searching and praying to really make sure I believed and valued what I thought I did and when I confirmed that with myself, I prayed for my own healing and change.
He had an amazing trip and had a moment of clarity where he knew he wanted this marriage to be better. We went to 2 joint counseling sessions that he was not happy with and have not been back since. He does not make any efforts to repair our marriage. Things are different now than they have ever been. When I plan a date night, he goes along with it but never shows much interested — if it happens great if not, no biggy is the attitude I perceive.
I vowed for better or worse till death do us part. I read all the comments that come my way. I can tell you that there is hope. Hi and thank you for your reply. My concern is still that my husband is so miserable in his job, he feels trapped because he is the source of income for our family and it has drained him of everything… he has nothing left. Could this be a true mid-life crisis for him? He told me things last night that I never knew — I found out he shared them with his female friend at work but he never shared them with me.
How do we rebuild that? He has totally turned away from God which is also terrifying to me. One more thing… I totally feel like I failed him as a wife. It kills me to know this. HOW does that get repaired? How do I help him through his stresses knowing that I was one of the greatest ones and have him start to see me the way he used to…. I truly hope not.
I hope he can forgive me those failings, I eventually hope to forgive myself. It is my sincere hope and Prayer that we will look back on this time and see that we needed this trial to get to the happiness I hope we find. HOW do we get from here to there???? In 12 step programs, people acknowledge the damage they have done to themselves and others they love. They then make amends.
You are doing just that and it is the bedrock of healing. Now you have to recognize that you did the best you could at the time, with who you were, what you knew, the blind-spots you had, and pain you were experiencing. Blame is punishing and blame keeps us from being the best we can be. Act from love, not from fear. Be good to yourself. I took things for granted. Like not pulling my weight with our son and not showing her the love she deserves.
She told me these things, but I never acted upon them. Now that she walked out I realize all this and feel so much love for her. I hurt beyond belief. I have tried to tell her if I could have the chance I would show her what I have realized and make it right. She needs to fall back in love with me.
She has such grudge about our past. After 14 years it got stale. But I miss her so much. What should I do and could it get back to getting back together? Its human nature to take what is good for granted. So, there are two things you can do now. First, deepen your own experience of love for yourself. Recognize what was going on at the time that made you less involved.
Rather than beating yourself up, learn more about yourself and love yourself more fully. Second, let her know that you love her enough to let her go if that is what would make her happy. Give her some space to sort things out, but begin doing little things to let her know you still care. Am I not supposed to call again…. Or, not go over to see him again? I read through a lot of the posts. Some of the situations seem very similar to mine. We have always had some communication issues but never really argued about much.
We have talked before about things I have said, about me being insensitive. About a month back I stopped by where she works and gave her some flowers. She has been suffering from depression post partem and husband induced and I have not really supported her like I should. Not that I intentionally wanted to hurt her emotionally, I just assumed that her and her counselor would resolve the issue. Again, insensitive and unempathetic.
A court me months back we were discussing marriage counseling because we both recognized that we did not communicate well. She mentioned talking to a couple of them and setting an appointment. I did not follow up thinking again that she would handle it. I have pulled a concerning my behavior, doing more housework, trying to be more sensitive, seeing a counselor of my own to be more empathetic.
Ive written her some letters because she has shut me out. She claims I copied them from a book I started reading. I try to show that I value her and am accused of insincerity. I love my wife and tell her every time we part. I want nothing more than to save our marriage. Is there any hope?
Mike, As long as you are still committed to making things better there is always hope. Most of us have become desensitized to the pain our partners are suffering. Some of it we contribute to by our inattention. Some of it is caused by a deteriorating support system in the larger society.
Whatever it is, there is much we can do to heal old wounds. You are not alone. Many others are going through this. Some will give up and others will keep looking for new and creative ways to make things better. Graeme, Healing takes time and wounds heal at their own pace. Counseling can help. In the meantime, keep your love flowing and also give her the space she needs. My wife of 4 years left a month ago.
The first 2 weeks she contacted me, but I did not respond to her. Told her I think this seperation is good, to give us space and time to reconnect. Then we went out foe drinks and dinner, put my arm around her walking to dinner and she said I was moving to fast. Visit iyareyarespellstemple. He has a girlfriend and is in love. I am devastated. He will not go to counseling. He is moving out of state to be with her. I love my husband with all of my heart. We have 2 children and 3 grandchildren. He is hurting so many people.
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He tells me that he is so happy. Is there any thing I can do. The affair occured during a cery tragic time in his life his family suffered 8 deaths all bacj to back.. We were going though a very bad time in our marriage and I had lost interest in him years before. Sex was just when he wanted it.. I found out about his affair.. Any ways.. He did everything in his power to make it right.. You are commenting using your Twitter account. You are commenting using your Facebook account. Notify me of new comments via email. Notify me of new posts via email.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. I process it differently. Who blocked whom on Facebook? The Two Faces of Chris Watts — what does it mean? So I just let him go. He refused. Do you believe that? He found Watts busily cleaning his house from top to bottom.
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Wyndam Hill Master Association Inc. VS Defendants: Christopher L. Has his family? What did the mid-term elections have to do with the Watts case? Bella and Celeste Watts: how were they murdered? Chris Watts: Deal or No Deal? Is Chris Watts Mentally Ill? What was in the Watts Family Basement?
Can you answer it? Why did Henri van Breda murder his family? Search for:. View this post on Instagram. Share this:. Like this: Like Loading Well spotted Diana. I agree with all of this. What a nasty woman Like Like. I swear, the level of denial is just astounding! Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:. Email required Address never made public. On Valentines day, she decided to tell me she doesnt love me and has in fact hated me for the last 15 years, though showed no signs of it.
She moved out without telling me on Valentines day when I was at work. Both child services and the police realized the inaccuracies and now I have our son full time. I believe it is due to her sickness as we were two peas in a pod for the last 19 years. Now, she wont even speak to me as apparently Ive never helped her, or understood her sickness in her eyes. I have now lost my wife, my best friend and my confidant. I still love her with all my heart but she continues to treat me worse and worse. I kiss a picture of us as a family every night, kiss the wedding rings she left and wish on a star for us as a family.
She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. I have full custody at the moment of our son for his safety…. As of now, it has left me heartbroken. Ive taken 2 sessions of therapy now as I was so devastated and one thing I was told is that Im not alone. Reading these comments has made me feel less alone and I want to thank you all for sharing. Seems life will continue and I appreciate the hope you have instilled through sharing the stories you have all provided. Thank you all for being so brave, you have blazed a trail for me to follow. It makes it easier to reach this point again.
No-one can help you or tell you what to do, there are always going to be good and bad times in a relationship. My estranged husband wants a divorce after 23 years. Very true. The problem is you are supposed to be a team function as a team nothing else or anyone else matters.
Grass is not always greener and a lot of times they are then in a new relatioship only to wakeup one day and find they feel exactly the same as they did in the previous relationship. I am not saying you have to stay with someone who no longer is committed to the team in a very damaging way but the research shows people are throwing the towell in for very small reasons. Solicitors dont help you can go to them and tell them anything and they will help you. Take a step back look in the mirror. If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie.
Any of these reasons could be applied to either partner in a relationship.
Mistress Amber (My Reason to Cheat, #5) by Lacey Silks
Wow great article. I can see people are very emotional and have missed that these are the top 5 reasons not the only reasons cos obviously the list could be very long if that were the case. It just goes to show that when people are emotional can become defensive and only understand whats written in their own way regardless of whats written, from reading some of the comments. But I enjoyed the article…. This information was compiled from divorced couples, or as it may seem, long-term relationships. Despite the length of a relationship, each partner must be committed to doing their share of the work, and communicating their own needs.
Keeping that balance would lessen the likelihood of the above 5 reasons, or other reasons like it being too much work, from occurring. Yes, I think many people skim the article missing some really relevant information. Thanks for your input. We fell apart in every way possible. Christy, you just summed up my life since December. I wish I had an answer for you. Just know you are not alone. How about being married to a Sociopath who hid his traits before marriage and afterwards used emotional, verbal and physical abuse to control you, who isolated you from family and gave nothing while taking everything.
I was left an emotional and physical wreck by this man who now controls our young adult children in the same manner and through manipulation, self pity and denouncing me to them, he tries to make them dislike and disrespect me. Young women — make sure you know all about a man before you commit because those few less desirable traits you have some doubts about may end up becoming major aspects of his character. All part of the manipulation. He us definitely a narcissist. Great resource for those hurting, and I mean real hurting. This menopause matter is not funny.
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We both came from dust and we shall return to dust. Nothing has meaning. So I do understand what I am going through and why. And who are the casualties in all this? Persistent denials coupled with ego aggravates everything. Then we blame. Then we irretrievably hate. Then evil sets in. Before you know it the entire family is wiped out. Terrific article, and do agree as my special area is helping couples reignite that passion, trust, desire.
Both knows the situation, though the comfort factor, causes them to remain in this loop until something shakes it up. What would people do in my situation. Been married 30 years. Wonderful husband. We both work but I always brought home more income. I worker steady nights for 27 years. He worked days. He has always been a terrific father. I could never disapline them. He would always say.
They are just girls. They are fine. Thank god they all turned out well. College educated with jobs. But I always get the brunt of their problems I am the one that is mean and I was always the one to buy them all their desires. Like dressed hair nails etc for dances. They would go to the same school dances. With only being a year apart. My husband from the time they were little. Would tell them I would rather be at work than at home knowing.
Damn well I was paying half of the bills if not more. I have spoke with him hundreds of times about sticking together when problems would arise with the girls. And at the time he would be like. Yes I will stick with you and let the girls know they are unfair and mean in the way they treat me. But as soon as the girls are home. Two still reside with us.
He is back to. Ohh they are just girls. Leave them alone. I feel completely invisible in my own home. This has been going on for years. I do love my husband. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. I never had empty nest for longer than 3 months and things were much better between my husband and I. But now that they reside with us again. I feel invisible again. I do not know what to do. I still work full time. Go out with my friends. But most of the time do not want to come home. I have no respect. That word has been gone for a long time.
And our fights now revolve around not having sex. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. We have talked about this more than I can count. And he just does not get it. Any suggestions please. Mental illness in a spouse requires a whole other article which I will write.
I have always asked my clients who find themselves married to someone who is mentally ill to focus on how they can avoid choosing another partner with the same issues. Falling out of love in a marriage happens over time and is usually due to neglect on the part of one or both partners. Try not to take this too personally, but be sure to address your own accountability as well.
So how do you know that a mental illness is there? I think on diffrent levels most of us suffer with anxiety, depression. Most of these illnesses stem from abandonment rejection abuse maybe we should go back to asylums. Very nice article, great to help people move on to enjoy the rest of their lives, your kindness shows through, thank you for writing it.
May God bless us with someone who really loves us and cares about us. I have been with my love for 18 years and married him by church back on , 10 days ago left me for his high school sweetheart. She was a part of his life in the past but my kids and I are his present and future. I am struggling in finding a way to deal with his departure as my love for him yearns and hurts at the same time. So sorry to hear this.. She is 39 and I am We have two girls 5 and 8. I was a stay Hm dad for 3 years and I think it caused the divorce.
We signed the papers last week. She is looking for a new Hm and we are still all in the same house. She makes way more money then I do and she also said I smothered her. I still love her since I said I do. One more thing.. And the house. I hope to find a better job and will be the best dad I can be to my kids. And will try to stay her friend. It feels a bit embarrassing to except the money that she wants me to have, but at this time with my current situation, I need it. Dear Tim I wrote u because I feel your pain. I am 38 and my husband 52 walk out on me while I am work.
I dont make much but still slightly more than my husband and have been helping n financing for all. He left while i was at work after his deeds of emotionally cheating online w countless womam n hitting on women by neighbourhood saying he is single. What happened will always be reality for us and you will n shall strong and healthy for your children and yourself. If you are Christian, pray for there be justice n conviction lay upon your wife heart n soul n she will come to realization her mistake as she will not receive happiness by doing wrong to others.
Its the circle of life. You stay joyful in the midst of pain because your children will always be yours. Take care. I married my husband less then one year ago. He went to his family home and left me alone ignoring all my phone calls and messages.. We spoke a lot he told me he had met someone else but it meant nothing to him apparently.
So I left him and came back to my house. On Wednesday I wanted to surprise him by going to see him. He had a bmw car which I later found out was his gfs car…I think all his family know her and are aware that he loves her. I have never felt so humiliated in all my life. Does he love her more then me? I wish I could take the pain away!
My husbanda and u got married at a very young age, I was 20 and he was We have been married for 4 years and together for 7. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me and me wanting to be a good wife and loving him with all I am I took him back and worked on what he said made him do it. He is a good man and he does try his best but I can just not find to love him like a lover bit rather as a friend.
I know I must choose what to do because living with this internal struggle is making me sick. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. I feel like having the high moral ground vindicates me but the article recommends not using it. I cannot forgive her even if I want to and I know I should what can I do in order to surpass this? I am aware that this is poisoning my heart and rationally speaking I know I must forgive.
How can I do it? Any pointers or tips will be welcome. No point in keeping contact with me. Hi l married my husband about 12yrs ago we had split for about 8yrs and just 3months he popped back in the picture. We talked and decided to give it another try things were great at first l felt like a queen.
Life was great than soon after he started being very mean to me yelling at me calling me names hanging up on me and than not evan coming home for days at a time. I was like how can you be so mean to me? So it wasnt long after that he became violent. I didnt understand it at all l would always tell him if you want to be with other people please jut let me know l do not wish to be a part of that.
He would tell me no babe stop tripping and l really started thinking l was tripping. Since than we had a very bad fight only one day after my 40th birthday and l havent heard from him scence. So that l will never ever go back to him. Can somebody please help????? Perhaps your husband has a personality disorder. I found out last year my husband has contemporary narcissistic personality disorder. He seems to be always angry at somebody or some thing. We have three kids together. Unlike bipolar or schizophrenia, a personality disorder is NOT a chemical imbalance!
They CAN modify with proper treatment and overcome IF they are willing to work their treatment regime. Best of luck to you… Oh, and get a support network around you to build yourself up. Build yourself back up. Trent Shelton on Facebook is a great motivational speaker. Above all…. There is a Creator of the Universe who cares about you and wishes nothing but the best for your life. Trust Him to emotionally get you through one set of footprints in the sand means He is carrying you thru this!!!
Thank you so much. I believe my husband has a similar condition. Hatred is not something u do to someone u love, even I know this. Please send me strength. I disagree with your statement about personality disorders. I have a personality disorder and I know from info I have from my psychiatrist, John Hopkins U and the Mayo Clinic to name a few that personality disorders do have a genetic component.
That is the latest science. I was born with mine. I am an alcoholic in recovery with almost 22 yrs of sobriety. I have had 15 yrs of therapy along with institutional treatment, CBT, outpatient care thousands of AA Meetings and lots of retreats. I have worked my butt off to be well. Just a few years ago, however, I was finally diagnosed with this awful personality disorder.
Specific treatment for this is very hard to get and expensive. My husband left me citing this as the only reason. I have not name called him once during the whole 6 weeks it took him to leave. I have remained respectful and kind throughout while going in the car to have my meltdowns. I sought crisis respite because I did not want to be around while he packed up happily to leave. He was my best friend for 16 yrs and it is killing me.
I liked the above article and I think some of all the factors entered into his leaving. But I will not allow someone to make an inaccurate statement about people with personal disorders. I believe I have behaved exemplary throughout and my heart is broken. I did everything I could to be a healthier partner. I have been married for 27 years and we dated for 4 years.
He has been gone for about six months now. We have tried marriage counciling but are in a state of wait and see. The councilor suggested that I pay a visit to my gynecologist to get things checked out. In doing that it was found that I needed a hysterectomy due to fibroid cyst were filling my uterus to the point that everthing else was pushed into my chest cavity!
Well I am two weeks over surgery and still at a wait and see state with my husband. I really am discouraged because the two councilors we have seen have only listened to my husband and not really me! We live in a rural area and funds are limited for different counciling but I feel he has walked out on me when things were at the worst and when I needed support the most.
Any suggestions? After 5 years together my wife left me to be with another man. I was recently diagnosed with serious health issues that are beyond my control and hereditary. She waited till I came from work and met me at the door. She had already quit her job and he was coming to get her. Stress has made things even worse.
How can this possibly be dealt with? My husband of 5 yrs n partner of 8 yrs cheated. This is his second time. The first time was right after I had our first child. And this time the affair has bn going on for 10 months. I only found out because I found an email n so I emailed her. And she told me everything. He kept telling me he had to wrk 24 he shifts at a warehouse but when I asked where the warehouse was he wud gt defensive n angry so everythin started to make sense.
He said he dnt wanna b wid her or even me right now. He needs space to find himself. I dnt no wat to do. Hi my husband has a habit, of being with me for about months , then takes off to do any and every thing for about two weeks. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. She recently lost her father and she had hatred for her step mom not letting my wife have a relationship with her father.
She says she wants to live by herself with her 3 kids cause they are better off without me. What can ido to ease her pain and stop from having a second divorce? Thank you for your comment, Paul. You are also welcome to call us for assistance finding a therapist. We are in the office Monday through Friday from a. Pacific Time; our phone number is ext. We have two children together. We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally.
I hurt my back at work and was off then went back she just finished college at this point, she got a job and then I found out I had a prostate problem, so I had a cathador in for a while and again was off work, at this point we were still getting things caught up. Then we just decided to move. So we moved and then I noticed she one week she ceas carry we cell with her at all times, this was not like her she even slept with it.
I questioned her about it and she denied it. A few days later she said she wanted a separtion all she said was she needed to find out who she was and what she wanted. I have 2 kids as well even. My wife of 14 total, 11 married just is done. Just have to keep moving forward. Good luck…to us both…we will be OK though. A few days ago out of the blue he said he wants to split up.
He has gone to his friends to see if we can make it work. Rachel, you are the exact same age as me and my husband is the same age as yours. My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. At 42 they are prime examples of men going through Mid Life crisis. He is totally messed up in the head and most of the stuff he says contradicts itself one day to the next. Throughout this ordeal I have been understanding, not dramatic at all, calm and have not said much when he tries to engage me in a fight. This has seemed to stifle his attacks on me for being at fault for his unhappy life.
So far he has not moved out as he had planned and keeps changing his mind on a daily basis. My only piece of wisdom from this whole scenario is that I have a Christian faith and it has really been keeping me sane by praying. My experience has taught me that you can only rely on one person in this world to love you unconditionally and that is Jesus.
I hope that your marriage works out and you and your husband will be happy once again together. Thank you for your comment, Lorrie. We wanted to provide links to some resources that may be relevant to you here. This of course leaves the other partner blindsided and shocked. Unfortunately many people become dissatisfied in marriages even when there are no problems. This may have nothing to do with you so giving him some space and trying to be supportive for now might help. Please seek help for yourself to support you through this process.
I have been married for 4 years. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. I found out last week that she was in a relationship with another man for several months. She packed all of her things and moved in with her mother after I found out. She tells me she is not sure who she wants to be with. After learning about their relationship I still want to be with her. Not only for our child but because I love her deeply. I dont feel like I can go on without her. I dont know how to handle this situation.
Please help? Stay strong brotha. Please be strong think and focus on your self and that will then help you look after your self and be there for your child. You are not going to die. Your wife who is supposed to love you has been seeing another man no matter what the excuse this is not acceptable. Love has to be tough this is one reason no matter what you must not take her back.
This is not a mistake a mistake is backing your car into a bollard or something similar. You deserve better. How you feel right now will not be the same as how you feel a month from now. I have seen these kinds of marriages turn around, but I have also seen many where the damage of trust is too great to overcome.
Honor yourself and keep your integrity through this process. Hope this helps. I just want to leave and not hurt him to bad. On new years eve my fiance left thee house. The next day he told me that he did not want it to continue in a relationship with me.
Top 5 Reasons a Partner Leaves (and How to Cope)
We have a beautiful son together. He is 17 months. That we argue all the time and that things werent gona change. I work full time and take care of everything in the house. Meanwhile he wanted to go out with his friends after work and have few drinks. Then four months later he came back and I got preganant. Now 17 months later he leave us.
I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. I found a job making less money but I manage. I feel like he used me when I was making a lot and now that he has to provide he packs and leave. Just found out my husband of almost 9 years is cheating on me online with a gay person. I feel so betrayed, devastated and its really painful to me. Theyve only been talking for weeks and he thinks he has fallen in love with this person. I cry all the time. I lost 11 lbs in less than 2 weeks. If your husband is gay, there will be no getting that love back.
There are reasons homosexuals hide things like that from loved ones. What he really needs now is your understanding and support. You may still love him but being gay is not a choice. I will pray you find the strength to accept this and that you two can still have a good relationship even though it will not be romantic any longer.
My husband, who I have been with for 15 years and have two young children with left me in November Two blows in one go. He was determined. I promised to do anything. I still would. She had no ex or children and is at the age where perhaps she thought she was going to be left on the shelf. My youngest is only five. My eldest I am devastated. Our marriage had had its problems but we were so strong we had overcome everything. Neither of us if ever been unfaithful so far as I know. The pain is unbelievable and I am only struggling from day to day.
I feel that in order to keep him in our lives I must accept her too. He is talking of selling the family home. Can anyone offer any words of hope? Lou, I am truly sorry to hear that this happened to you. Please be strong. Be strong for yourself and for your kids. Words of advice… Get an emotional tool belt, of things that will help you get better..
I know the feeling… I feel so alone. Our self esteem is 0!! The same thing happened to me — after an argument a few days prior, my husband said it was over. We had some issues but always thought we would work them out.